Rap, Retirement, and Future Plans

     I used to get on here and get some thoughts out fairly frequently some years ago, but I kind of fell off over the years, I'm honestly not even sure why I got on here today, Sep 25 2026, nor do I know where I'm even going with this, but here we are, so let's get it going.

    Every day I wake up and I say to myself, I want to rap again. I've been sitting at home for the past three months (more on that later), and I get up and say, damn, I wanna rap, why can't I get back to it? I've written some bars, I've hummed some ideas, I've been in the shower and bars hit me, and I'm like, yeah, that's it, I gotta remember that when I get out, then I forget them. When I sit down and write, I'm not liking the words that I write, so I get discouraged. It's not coming to me as easily as it used to before. There was once a time where I could hear a beat, sit with it for 5-10 minutes, and have a rhyme written shortly thereafter. It is not happening like that now, and it's crazy to me because I have ALL the time in the world to focus on my writing. I don't get it. I've paid for beats, I have an album paid for through the distribution sites, I'm just struggling to actually write it.

     Something that I've learned is that, besides all of the things life has thrown at me since my last release, is that I've been grieving the loss of one of my favorite emcees, The Supervillain, MF DOOM. I know, I know, you didn't know that man!! You never met him a day in your life!! What's that got to do with you, Raf? I get it, but DOOM played a big role in my rap life. He was a big inspiration to who Rafeal Marques, and prior to that, Skillz Blaze was. How I structured some of my bars, my wordplay, etc, he influenced some of it. And more than anything else, I was just a huge fan of his. I haven't quite recovered from his passing, musically. 

    With that being said, I'm working on it still. I'm not giving up at all. Eventually, I will release the next album/EP, which is titled, O.H.I.O. If you know me personally, you follow my musical journey, you're a fan of my music, whatever the case may be, hold me to it. Please. 

    Next, my Military career officially ends on October 1st, 2026, after 20 long years of serving in the Air Force. Wow! There was once a point where I didn't think that I'd even make it to retirement, and now look at me, on the verge of being officially retired. I can't believe it. People have asked me, "Raf, what's next? What are you going to do in retirement? Are you about to go back to work somewhere else?" No, at the current moment, I don't plan on going back to work, but that doesn't mean that I don't plan on doing anything at all and just bum it out for the rest of my days. These past few months that I've been home on leave, I've got to be present more often. I've gotten to be Daddy and the husband. For example, every summer, the wife and kids would tye dye t-shirts and shorts and have fun with that, and I never got to do that before with them. This year, I did, and it was fun! I've been cutting the grass more, I've been sleeping better, and I've had a lot more time to focus on ideas, filming, and editing for my Youtube channel, Big Raf. And you know what else? My subscriber count has increased tremendously during this time. I've never gained over 1,000 subscribers in such a short time frame, but I've also been able to actually focus on it and not moonlight as a Youtuber once I get off work. 

    So that's the gameplan. After serving for 20 years and doing a job that I was never truly interested in (Human Resource Management), it's time to pursue my true dreams, goals, and passions. I've told a few close friends this, but let me share this here. A year ago, I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist, and after I told her that I was retiring, she told me don't be in a rush to go back to work for somebody else. You've done that for 20 years and have had to ask permission for everything like simply taking your wife and kids to a Doctor's appointment. She told me to start my own business, follow your dreams, do the things that you want to do in life now. You've earned it! I said yes ma'am, and I left after my appointment was over. Later that SAME day, I met a retired Chief Master Sergeant, and also spoke to her about my upcoming retirement. She asked me what my plans were, and I told her, I planned to go back to school for Human Resources and try to get my Bachelor's Degree. While I was explaining that to her, she looked at me the whole time like she knew that I was lying. When I was done, she asked me, "What do you really like to do?" I told her that I like to create, film videos and tell stories. She said, "Then why didn't you just say that before? Why wasn't that your answer?" She then told me pretty much the same thing that my Psychiatrist told me. Follow those dreams, go after those things. You've done this for 20 years, it's time for you to pursue what you really like and want to do. Two women who didn't really know me like that, one who I'd never met before that day, both told me the exact same message. I felt like it was a sign. 

    So that's what I plan to do. I know when folks ask me what's next, and if I had a job pending or planned to go back to work, and I say no, it's a bit shocking, and people may thinking that means I never plan to do any work and I'm just going to be a bum now. No, that's not the plan at all. I now plan to work harder on those other interests. Working on growing the Youtube channel more, working on getting back to my music, working on getting paid (more) from both of those two things. I want to learn how to film and edit my videos better than what I do now. I really want to deliver O.H.I.O to you all. The ideas are there, I promise you, I just have to put them to paper. If there comes a time where it's just not working with the dreams and I need to go back to work to support my family, trust me, I will. But I don't have that many bills, and the two expected retirement checks that should be coming would cover everything and then some. But know, if ever my family needs me to go back to a normal, regular, not fun place of employment again to provide for them, trust that I will go back to that miserable place of employment again for them. I'm not stupid folks. 

    Ok, I think that's enough for this one. Let me know If I should continue doing these in the future. Sometimes, I just need to get these thoughts off my chest. If you read all of this, you're a real one, and clearly care about me. ✌


Raf

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