Children Are Who They're Trained to Be

     What's going on everyone? Thanks for tuning in to me tonight, or whenever you decided to tune in. I truly appreciate it. Tonight's topic stems from a conversation I had with a young lady earlier today. This young lady I spoke with earlier is a mixed young lady, with a black mother, and a white father. Nothing wrong with that, as I'm also in an interracial relationship, but here's the problem. Her mother, is racist, but not in the way that you'd think. Her mother, who is black, is racist...... Against black people.... Sound weird? Let me continue.
    I'm not sure what we were talking about that got us on this topic, but she began to explain to me how her mother wouldn't allow her and her sister to play with Barbie dolls of color, how her mother didn't like "Nappy" hair, which in her words, means natural black hair that a lot of women wear, and also, how happy her mother is that her son looks so white (she's married to a white man, just as her mother is.) Imagine me, sitting next to her listening to this as a black man, and imagine how shocked and disgusted I was to hear it. But, while I heard it, it made me understand her better. She has similar issues as her mother. She tends to think that black women, or more so the common black women's features, are disgusting. She's never dated a black man in her entire life basically because she feels her mother would be disappointed in her. When I questioned her about her race issues, she swore that she's not racist and that all her friends are black (which is funny, because that's usually the common comment that people make after making racist comments.) But, she clearly has some issues with her black side.
    Let me change gears here and talk about an issue I have at 29 years old, that I don't see as much of an issue personally, but I know some do. I feel like being emotional is a weakness for me. As a child, I was very emotional about things, and I was also a pretty big crybaby. If something happened that I didn't like, I'd cry. If I fell down off my bike, I'd cry. If my brother punched me, I'd cry. I cried for everything. I remember my family was about to move states, and I didn't want to leave my best friend in Kentucky when I was about nine. I came home crying and told my dad I didn't wanna move, and he patted me on the back and said it's OK, and made it better for me. But, what I didn't know, is that the same day, he gave my brother direct orders to toughen me up, at least that the way it was explained to me. And my brother did exactly that. For the next four years, my brother preceded to beat the hell out of me, everyday like he was punching in the clock to work. If I fought back, it was almost like it made him happy, and he beat me up more. Now it wasn't like I was being abused or anything. I was never bloodied or bruised at all. It was more like, he took the brotherly fighting to the next level, and used his five year advantage and extra weight and strength to dominate me.
      After all of that, since the age of about 14, I have only cried four times, twice out of frustration, and twice due to deaths in the family. When my daughters were born, no tears at all, even though I felt like the tears were going to come. My wife and a few other people speak of me as being emotionless, and that they can't read my face to see what I'm thinking, or what I may be feeling. I feel that this is all a result of the toughening up phase I went through in my youth. I have to either be physically hurt, like when I tore my meniscus, or somebody has to die for me to even get remotely close to tearing up. I've been trained this way that emotion shows weakness, and this is something that I'm happy about. I wouldn't be the same individual I am today without my brother toughening me up, and my dad instructing him to do so.
    We are who we are trained to be by those raise us. The young lady I spoke with earlier may not be a complete racist, but she definitely has racist tendencies. She also told me that her husband made some racist comments (dropping the N bomb on multiple occasions), and she allowed it because she claims to have said some things too. This is all unacceptable, but this is how she was raised. Her mother raised her to think that everything white is better. Her black mother taught her to ultimately hate herself. This is who she is. Just like my father and brother toughened me up. This is how we were trained to be. In my instance, I don't see mine as being a problem, but more so a strength. People sense a certain emotion, they try to take advantage of it. But being raised to not like who you are in your own skin is unacceptable. But, I understand her at the end of the day.
     What do you all think? Do you agree that we are who we are trained to be by those who raised us? Let me know what you all think. As always, thanks for reading if you're here. I truly appreciate it, and you all have a great night. Peace.